The 'Struggle Switch'

I've been reading from a book called 'the happiness trap' and understanding something called 'the struggle switch'. It basically uses a 'light switch' turning on/off as an analogy for difficult emotions.

When we feel a difficult emotion, it normally triggers our struggle switch to turn ON. Say for example you feel anxious about something. If you start panicking about knowing you're feeling anxious, it can cause a ripple effect of even more emotions to enter your mind. You may feel sad or angry that you're feeling anxious, and then annoyed at yourself because 'you shouldn't feel anxious', and then sad. Trying to battle with all of these emotions at once only perpetuates the anxiety. I'll give you an example. I've struggle with meal portions . Something i've always found hard but with lockdown it's become harder for whatever reason. After a dietician appointment and weigh in came a reality check. For the past week I've been increasing  meal portions. ( i know this may sound a bit bizarre but i cannot explain how terrifying this is, and i've always avoided it just for 'short term relief'. It causes huge anxiety. When i'm feeling anxious about it i then have a mental battle going on and thoughts such as 'this is too much, i'm not going to be able

to tolerate is, i'm out of control, i don't want to feel guilty, why can't i do this, why am i a failure'.....blah blah blah. You can see how one thought/feeling can snowball into lots more,. All that ends up happening is you end up feeling worse. So clearly it's not worth giving the thought too much attention??

This is where turning the 'struggle switch OFF' comes in. It's natural to feel difficult emotions. We all do. It's normal. Without the bad, we wouldn't feel the good. The arguement is, when anxiety comes in, it's about accepting this is happening, but not giving it too much thought. It's easier said then done. But it's about trying to be present in the moment to distract yourself from the thought. It's not about avoidance as you're accepting this is how you're feeling, but moving on. Emotions come and go. It's impossible for the anxiety to stay forever. Anxiety only ever peaks and then comes down. So with the food example practising this would be to think 'I feel anxious, but I knew i would, so this is no suprise.' And then trying to focus on something else. Anything; what's around you, the conversation with someone else you may be having, what you're doing tomorrow, Just anything other than getting anxious about the fact you're anxious. 

It seems such a simple concept but it takes practice. If your brain is used to reacting a certain way when dealing with emotions, you have to create a new neural pathway. The more you practice, the more you're brain will start thinking 'this is the new way of dealing with this emotion'. 

Are you living by your own personal values?

We all have values in our lives that can define us. These are what we place importance on and try and 'live by'. These could be characteristics or behaviours. Core values can be things such as 'loyalty', 'kindness', 'assesrtiveness', 'honesty', 'confidence' etc etc. Our own values are used to help base decisions on. Most of these decisions are made subconciously. For example. you don't think 'I'm going to meet my friend today because i place high value on friendship'... if thar's something you just naturally do if that's on of your beliefs.  

Values can link massively to our own happiness. In todays world, a lot of us base our happines on external things. We rely on 'what's next in our life'. Is it the new house, new car, job promotion or new fitness plans we're waiting for, and once we've reached these goals we'll become happy? I'm guilty of this. We live in a world that is all about moving up the ladder, wanting bigger and better things. BUT, what tends to happen is, we reach one of our 'goals' we've been focusing on for the past x amount of months/years, get there, and move straight onto what we want next. When this happens, you don't really focus on 'being in the moment'; focusing on that first goal yoi've been dreaming about and working so hard for. Instead, you're too busy working on reaching that next goal. 

What if happiness came from our values? I've started reading a book called 'The happiness trap' based on ACT therapy, and i truly believe this. Alhough we would all love to be 100% living by every single on of our personal values ALL the time. it's not always that easy, and sometimes impossible. You might have a value you place high importance on, but can't fully commit to living by it. And that's completely normal. Life gets in the way. But what i'm trying to say is when we chase happiness, a lot of this can actually come from reassessing our values, rating which ones we find to be the most importance, and putting in small realistic goals each month/year of how we might achieve this. But without pressure. We put so much pressure on ourselves and therefore if we don't do something we hoped, we can automotically feel a failure which is not true!!!

For example, a core value you may have is assertiveness. This is one of mine, but one I know i'm not very good at. I think being assertive is so so important,,,but it isn't always that easier. We all want to be liked and accepted, so being assertive can sometimes cause conflict but that doesn't mean you won't be like. Sometimes you have to be assertive to get your own needs met, not say yes when you really mean no, and it helps with being open and honest with people. So a goal to live better by this value could be .."when someone asks me to do something i don't want to do but i say yes in fear of letting them down, instead i'm going to say 'can i think about it?', then that gives you the chance to conside what you really want to do, and get back to them. It gives you chance to assess what you truly want to do, and in turn is an example of being more assertive by saying no at times. You don't have to achieve this goal in 2 day, 1 week or even 1 month. It could be a long term goal as it can be easier said than done. I know myself if i was more assert, it would contribute to a better sense of self. well being on overall general happiness as i know it's a step closer to living by my own values.

When you struggle with anything mental health related it can sometimes be even harder to live by your values. The desire may be there but behaviours used to cope with mental struggles can go against these values. For example, some of my values are based on spontinaity, being more care free and flexible. I would love to eat what i want when i want and follow my hunger cues/intuitions which would link to being more care free. This for me is a long term goal but i've set goals along the way to help me get there. I find it hard to be 'spontenious', i always have to have a set plan for the day and struggle to leave the house in the evening due to my routine (yes...i'm boring haha) But i'd like to change this as I believe I could do more enjoyable things. Again, basing goals around these things can help me live mreo in line with these values. 

I know it might sound a pathetic or whatever,,,,, but it massively helps to write down your values. Until you get them on paper , you can't see what they are!!! It also helps with seeing if theres any goals you want to set to help place high importance on values you may have. but feel for whatever reason you're not living by as much as you want to.

Hope this helps x

'Why don't you just eat'? Managing unhelpful comments video

Heard something this week I found anxiety provoking and initally difficult to manage. It's a personal experience but I wanted to try and explain briefly how to try and deal with/rationalise  unhelpful comments when struggling with a mental illness ... (or just unhelpful comments on general!!) video below...