Around this time of year, towns/cities are starting to put Christmas decs up, coffee shops summer drinks are replaced with 'festive favourites' and shops are starting ti fill with presents.I love the build up to Christmas as everything feels more exciting and cosy. The one annoying thing of approaching winter is the uninvited guest of anorexia.
The past few years, I've found Christmas has become a lot easier food wise. I started to look forward to instead of dread Christmas dinner. I'd eat chocolate, drink mulled wine in the centre and just feel more at ease in general.
This year feels slightly different. Knowing i'm struggling i'm starting to dread the big day. I know not everything about Christmas is food, but a lot of it is. It's more about feeling 'left out' (by myself) of things i want to join in with. Going out for a hot chocolate after Christmas shopping, having that mulled wine and not worrying about how many potatoes i'm going to be having with my Xmas dinner. (yes, i know that sound daft but Christmas with anorexia is dominated by thoughts like this). Food is also a huge social thing. If you've struggled with an eating disorder, you know what it's like trying to think of what to say if you get asked out for a meal, drinks when you've got 'that voice' telling you, you can't do any of these things, it's isolating.
I so desperately want to do what I can, to dread Christmas less. Anorexia has stole too many Christmas's. I've spent 2 in hospital, and I don’t want this year to be the 3rd. Life is so precious, and a single day wasted giving in to the ED is another day lost. It's never too late and i'm going to try do what I can to avoid this.
