Firstly, I'd like to say thank you for the responses I got from my last blog post, the advice and support has been listened to and taken on board so thank you all :)
I've come to a decision how to push myself a little more. The 2 choices I had in mind was to go full pelt with the "**** it* button; or to plan challenges with food gradually to move out of my comfort zone. As much as I wanted to go with the first option, I knew my anxiety would be too much to cope with this at the minute, so second option it was.
So far so good. I've had 2 days of eating different foods and challenging more. The majority of the time the anxiety is so much worse beforehand than it actually is doing it, which just shows how powerful your mind can be sometimes! And the feeling you get for doing something new is definitely worth it, and helps to move that little bit closer out of the comfort zone. My friend helped me with how to plan different challenges and I've done it through a hierarchy of foods; GREEN: 'safe foods', 'AMBER' a little bit more challenging and 'RED' the biggest fear foods. I'm giving myself a certain amount of times I have different foods in this hierarchy, which helps to gradually push new foods in, adds more variety, as well as making all foods seem 'ok' to eat again, and less scary. (Gosh as I'm writing this I'm realising how boring this sounds, so sorry haha - and thanks if you're still reading!)
I know this may sound not much but for me it feels like a big change at the minute and a change that I'm glad I've made. My mood and motivation is up and down at different points during the day but I know this is expected and just accept how I'm feeling and not let it affect me. Like sometimes I feel like I'm on top of the world and can conquer anything, and there are points in the day where I think what the hell am I doing this is all wrong! So a mixture of different feelings but I know for me right now it's the right thing to do, and the only way to get out of a rut is to do something different. The big 'C' word CHANGE, which always sounds like a good option in your head but when you actually do it, it's easier said then done! But nethertheless I'm going to keep going. I'm trying to do this mainly on my own because I've not really been able to do this before without more support, so would love to get to the end of all this and think 'I bloody did it', so can focus on more important things in life.
I tried this new chocolate bar today with my lunch and I would definitely recommend!
Tomorrow my Mum and Simon are coming to York for a couple of days. We're going out for lunch tomorrow and I'm having my pudding there too which I can't wait for but anxious at the same time. Irrational silly unwanted thoughts can buggar off , thank you very much head :)
Chelsea X
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